I was born to the tune of "La Grange" on a balmy summer evening. The sound that accompanied my birth is best described as a "flapping" followed by a deafening *inexpressable sound* (the sound that is created as vocal cords fly through the air at about sea level). My birth turned out to be a rather complicated affair, requiring a cesearian(sp?)-section. Luckily, I survived my harrowing inception into the world.

After an exciting car chase necessitated by a bank robbery, I was received at home with much fanfare.
During my first year in the real world, I cried constantly; I could not be hushed. After my first year, my omnipresent bawling stopped as if turned off by a switch. During some point in my second year of living, I can remember eating popsicles. Not just any popsicles mind you, but a frozen confection that no longer exists in this plane of existence (at least in my experience). These frozen bars were vanilla flavored for sure, but there may have been chocolate types as well.
Sadly, the knowledge of such foods has been lost in the ages. I can also remember eating Tater Skins and watching Jeopardy. And a Rubix Cube.
I can distinctly remember that when I was two, my dad had a sore toe, which I tried to fix with my toy screwdriver. But to no avail.
So, my earliest memories consist of vanilla popsicles, Tater Skins, Jeopardy, the Rubix Cube, and toe repair.

Sometime after I was two, we moved into the house in which I currently reside. We lived in said house during it's construction.
I can remember getting a root-beer barrel candy from a carpenter. His name was Romie. This act of kindness plucked at my heart-strings, causing me to lapse into cardiac arrest, but not before being truly touched by this selfless act.
That day, I made a solemn vow unto my own, that if ever I came into possession of another root-beer candy, I would eat it as an homage to that noble carpenter. Of course, since I was only two I quickly forgot my vow and proceeded to live a hedonistic lifestyle.

The next phase of my life was a whirlwind of prepping, pants-shitting, and pipe-yelling. I met many interesting characters on my journey.

When I was three, I received a LiteBrite, a Donald Duck cartoon, and a NES. Thus began my console romance.
The next stage of my life consisted of much nakedness, playing the NES, and riding my pedal-tractor.

The MOMENT that I turned five, I was enrolled in school and on the bus to aforementioned facility. I was, most likely, not ready to go to school. To me, it seemed that I had just been weaned!
It was quite difficult for me to leave my mom in the morning to depart for school. Before school, I liked to watch Gumby and G.I. Joe. The song that played during the closing credits for Gumby always made me want to cry.
My mother told me of a boy who would be in my class that was named "Casey". I imagined a briefcase.
I can remember little about my first day at kindergarten, but I assure you that I barely managed to escape with my life.
Jason Smith can be considered my first "friend", while Eric could in fact touch his eyeball. There was a girl who was allergic to bees, as I recall.

In kindergarten aside from learning and naptime, there was playtime. During playtime we were, of course, required to play during the alotted time. At first the play was fun and educational; over time however, the play escalated into a small series of gang wars.
The gang to which I belonged held its ground at first, but was eventually drove into a large toy castle by the opposing gang and their toy car armada.
We were under siege inside the castle. The situation looked hopeless indeed... that is, until we found the secret weapon.
Our gang castle had a flagpole upon the highest turret. The flagpole, we discovered, was composed entirely of a flexible spring. Soon we gathered all of the chairs that were in our castle and placed them near the base of the flagpole.
Learning some of our first lessons concerning the physical realm, we used the flagpole to catapault the chairs into the enemy gang's forces.
After the barrage of chairs had ceased, we surveyed the remains of the opposing gang's forces. Utterly decimated.
Combing through the wreckage, my gang-mates discovered the leader of the rival gang. He was, of course, subsequently placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds until he apologized for his transgressions.

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I enjoy watching anime, playing video games, fiddling with electronics, and of course, spanking my grandpa.